Didn't mean to , really.

Went to church today,  for the first time in about ... three weeks? I don't know, I don't remember. But I can say that its been a long time. Since I went to church. 


;


Michelle asked me to go to church, told me not to skip anymore. Said that Matt's drifting away from God. When I heard that, I get that she wants me to do something about it. But what? I don't know. I really don't. I want to help and all, but how? I don't know how. I'm the worst at these sort of stuff. I wanted to help, I wanted to, bad. 


; 


My landlord's outside my room right now, talking to my mom. I wonder what she's telling her. Part of me wants to know, part of me don't. I'm scared that it's something bad, scared to get yell at later. I don't want to live here anymore, bad mistake. They scare me, especially the lady. She's those type where she looks so innocent and nice, but inside we all know that she's evil and mean. If you know what I mean. I mean, we're human. We have friends, I'm sorry for the fact that you don't have any friends, but we do. You rented the house to us, you just have to suck it up ! I wish she could see this. 


They left. I don't think it was a bad thing, since I heard my sister laugh and my mom's not yelling. Phew? 


;


Made eye contact with him today. Wasn't planning to. Didn't want to. But it happened. God's plan? Who knows. But we made eye contact, the only thing he said to me today was :"终于来啦？" 我点了点头、笑着对他说 : "嗯、 系啊" 然后走掉了、 didn't bother saying anything else to him. 


Later when Sunday school finished, I had to go. His brother said 'bye' to me. I replied, grabbed my coat and walked away. He was there. Not a word from him. At all. I didn't say anything either. Didn't want to make eye contact with him, cause when I see him, everything will start coming to me. What mich said, what Sarah told me, everything between us. I still need to learn to face him. I felt bad after, for ignoring him. What is he thinking now? About what happened. Maybe he doesn't even care about me. Who knows what kind of person he really is. After seeing Jake ... 

It’s funny how you think you actually mean something to someone, and they just turn around and prove you wrong.

end here today... 

veewang