To be honest, I would rather go to Malaysia. But the thing is, it's my grandpa's birthday so I changed my mind, I want to go to China. Though how much I miss my friends, family's more important.
_alexsaysgg alexlam
i dont feel that connection anymore.
_alexsaysgg alexlam
holding in so much just for you. but im going to explode anyways.
_alexsaysgg alexlam
too many girls looking at me. looking up and down and up and down. im not that interesting you know.
_alexsaysgg alexlam
but thats you, and i might just have a hard time adjusting.
_alexsaysgg alexlam
nothing seems to spark nowadays. wheres that lighter.
Lately, I've been talking to two friends I met from Chinese school: Paul and Evan. Evan doesn't really go to Chinese school, he was there to pick up Paul and we met.
I kind of noticed I was being a jerk cause most times during Chinese school, I was with Paul and Kristine and them. Didn't really hang out with him. I guess I felt like I was needing a break from him. From having a boyfriend. Not just the guilt is building, the feelings are unsure anymore. I don't know what I'm thinking but certainly something ain't good. He was with Sharon while I was with Kristine and them, Paul. Oh and, when I was looking at Colin. we were having a staring contest and to see who could keep a straight face looking at each other longer. He nudged me after about thirty seconds, I think he looked a little unhappy. Then later when I was with him alone after talking to the group of friends that he wasn't in, he asked me, "Who's Evan?" Without thinking, I replied, "Paul's friend," with a smile, "why?" He didn't really answer my question. He looked away. "What grade is he in?" in the eyes I looked when he was turning his head back. "Grade 10." I answered. What's with all the questions? I thought to myself. Then I realized something. Was he jealous? Of Evan? He later asked about Paul, too. Was he? Jealous? Of Evan and Paul? No way. That's another side of him I never saw. But I guess that kind of pissed him off. I knew something bad was going to happen. He didn't say good night to me that night either. I don't remember what happened.
Oh yea.
That.
One night we were playing maplestory when I suddenly logged off cause I thought mom was coming. I closed everything and turned off the computer and jumped into bed. Next day I texted him saying sorry that I suddenly went off. Before I went off, I checked twitter. He was so depressed. Don't know why. I asked him, he said he was okay. I told him that he could always talk to me if he ever need someone to talk to. Then I said, goodnight. Love you <3. I waited for him to reply the text. He didn't reply for another 15 minutes then my pillow vibrated.
lol, k. gnight.
That's it? Where's the, ''love you too <3'' ? I went to sleep in doubt.
I don't know what's going on, and I'm kind of afraid. What would happen if we break up? What happened to 'forever by your side'? Is he going to be like Matt? 3 months, then "It's over." Is it going to be "it's not you, it's me." or "i'm sorry. It's not me, it's you."?
Don't feel the connection anymore? Was there even a connection between us? You were the exact opposite of me. But I know you've changed. Not much. Just enough. Personality wise. More ... outgoing? Now. More talkative than before. Way harder to figure out ...
What's going on?
I'm so lost.
I don't know anymore.
What is this?
End here tonight, good night.
veewang
