got new belts , and shiez .
;
so hungry .
;
had midterm exam for chinese school today .it was ok , wasn't hard.
but i know i forgot a lot of chinese stuff D:
and in january , when im going to china , i`ll be missing exam D:
damn it , i gotta talk to the principal :O .
;
hm , when bro said that he was with a girl ,
i felt something , not sure what it was .
i don't think it was anything like what i think it was .
maybe i'm just afraid that he`ll get hurt .
like how i hurted him , and how sarah had too .
;
I think i worry about people too much ,
is that a good thing ? or a bad thing ..
hmmmm .
i wonder if that ever annoys people .
even though im pretty sure it annoyed a gaw for a while
they say that i worry about people so much , i don't even think about myself anymore .
h m , is taht true ? i kinda notices that ,
but is that good or bad? o____o
;
fisnihed my health project , finally !
omg , room was a mess !
;
i learned something new bout a Gaw today ..
the story of her ex , who passed away .
Drowned .
who really loved matt .
After reading that , i really don't know how to treat matt ..
Michelle says:
so sam
and matt
used to date
and
like
omg :/
on the day
she went away..
she found out why matt broke up with her.
and she was gonna tell matt
she still feels the same.
like
cause
matt
was her first
and one memory
that sticks to me
was
the first dance she had.
so
she diddnt really go to dances before
so she dressed up
lik
crazy
like semi formal
wen its just a event
and
liike
matt saw this
lol
and matt was liike o.o wahh o.o
but (:
at lunch
cause sam was feeling weird
matt went to my house
and like
i dressed him up
made him look so nice
and like
before the dance started( :
matt went to her homeform
casue
there were like girls making fun of her
like why are you wearing a dress you slut
then mattt went upstairs
and like he gave her flowers (:
and like sam hugged him for like
10 minutes straight (:
then she like kissed him on the cheek (:
and like then all the other ppl
just was like ommg <3
and like matt broke up with her
because
her parents
really
disapproved
they would kick her out of the hosue
and sometimes hit her
matt found out like one time walking to her house
and he broke up with her despite the feelings he had
andd like sam didnt even know :/
and that wasfine to matt.
but on the day she died..
i told her.
saying you should ask matt
and she was so happy..
Michelle says:
cuz.
the first time they got to know each other
matt and sam likes to walk in teh rain
one time
matt saw her.
and it was raining harder and harder
he put the umbrella over her head and was like youll catch a cold if you sit here all day. comon ill walk yu home
why the more i know about you , the weirder i feel .
reading this , makes me feel so guilty ..
of what i did to you .
I feel so selfish , why did i do that.
I can't look at anyone else right now , but matt .
this is unfair to alex , i love him but
right now , i want to focus on matt.
I`m not planning to tell alex this , cause this'll be over soon , and it' ll be like before
i don'twant to ruin anything .
The guilt just keeps building , i wanna be there for him right now .
I don't even care about stage crew , i wanna go to church tomorrow and talk to him :\
I kinda miss him , haven't seen him in a long time .
This may be just sympathy im having towards him but ,
i'm really trying my best to just think of him as a brother .
Tryin' my hardest .
;
im so thankful to have michelle with me ,
telling me all these things about Matt .
Sam ..
and the others , who died
I wanna make a promise to matt ,
that i'll never leave him , never like the others .
Cause i wanna be there for him .
Through everything ,
cause i love him , in a brotherly way .
no matter what i wanna stick with him , and mich.
the dream of wanting to live with them is growing stronger the more i talk about this .
;
great , now they got into a fight , matt blocked her .
damn it , this is so sigh .
LOL ,
;
Alex , i love him .
i really do ,
and im really thankful to have him with me .
i feel like , i didn't get to know matt when we were dating .
i practically knew nothing about him , whatsoever.
and it was after we broke up ,that i started to learn more and more about him .
i need something , something to keep my love for alex .
a book , relate alex to a book's character .
somehow , that's it.
i`ll think of Peeta as alex , and me as Katniss .. lol , thats sad .
or Damen and Ever
or Stefan and Elena
or .. idk .
hm , alex
he may not be the best looking guy , but i like his personality .
he's ok looking , lol .
he looks pretty akward at most times.
i just dont like the fact that his mustache is pretty visible :P
;
' that's what sisters are for '
:)
that sentence gave me a bitter-sweet feeling .
I think i got so used to having someone to tell me things about my bf .
i dont know how to get used to my new bf .
crap , this is bad .
this whole thing with matt , is making me D:
kay, this is what you do vee .
flash back , to the times when you felt terrible about sarah and matt .
matt doesn' t belong to you that way ,
God just want us to be friends , close friends but not more than friends .
But , Alex is a challenge that God had given , also a chance for me
he may or may no tbe the one . But i`ll see how long we can last .
I can last for a long time , if i want to .
mainly cause i dont know how to break up with someone ,
but idont wanna break up with alex .
;
ok i needa stop typing .
blog tmrw
Ends here .
veewang . <3 night
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